My
most difficult holiday was Christmas, seven years ago. My husband's
job had just moved us to a town far from relatives and friends. Barely
unpacked from the move, we settled in and tried to create a holiday
season. It was very hard for me because I missed everyone - my parents,
sisters and brother, aunts and uncles and cousins. It was my job to
create a holiday atmosphere and I just couldn't get into the spirit
no matter how hard I tried. I was lonely.
But
something else was troubling me too: post partum depression. My baby
was five months old and it never occurred to me that I could have PPD.
My mother and sister never shared any depression they felt after having
a baby. I thought everything was my husband's fault for bringing me
so far away from family, and I blamed him. I have wished so many times
that I had the Internet, books, or someone to take my hand and lift
me out of that sadness, so that is why I'm sharing this here.
I tell
everyone now that depression is common, there is help to be found and
support available in huge quantities. There are books, support groups,
and professionals who can help. Don't despair and don't ignore sadness.
I'm lucky because
my husband stood by me and helped make something out of that Christmas.That
year there was an angel who guided my husband, gave him patience, and
whispered to him the secrets of PPD. He helped me find some help that
January and I healed quickly. I wish I had known what PPD was and how
common it is. I urge all new moms to be aware, educated and to have
resources at hand, just in case...
I have made lots
of very close friends in my town. My parents have moved closer, and
I see my brother now quite often. My sisters come to visit each summer
with their families. Life is better and we have had 6 wonderful Christmases
since.
