It's been 20 years since the accident that took the lives of my Mother and my sister. The memory of that day has faded in my mind, somewhat, but what's very clear is the first Thanksgiving the family attempted to celebrate after that fateful day in August. My Mom was the ultimate Mom. Every holiday - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, was a chance to be with family and to celebrate the season. She would spend time decorating the house. The menu didn't vary - turkey on Thanksgiving and Christmas, lamb on Easter, with all the trimmings, and the smell of cooking and baking would fill the house for days before the holiday.

Often, my sisters and I would have new outfits to wear for the day. My dad would spend a lot of the day watching television, and relaxing, while Mom did all the work. We'd have lots of delicious hors d'oeuvres to eat during the day, and my grandparents would come over and celebrate with us.

Thanksgiving 1981 was far different, though. My older sister and I decided to try to make Thanksgiving just like Mom had done. First, we dug out her recipes. Turkey seemed easy enough, along with mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, candied carrots, stuffing, green beans, and sweet potatoes. My grandmother baked pumpkin and apple pies for us, so we were set with that. We'd learned a lot about cooking from my Mom and the food turned out fine. But that was really all that was similar to the holidays before the accident. We had decorated, we were wearing new outfits, the house smelled good - but the missing presence of my Mom and my sister was almost too much for any of us to deal with. We didn't celebrate the holiday as much as mourn for the times we would no longer spend as a whole family together. As much as we tried to make it a day just like Mom would have done, all we really succeeded in doing was reminding ourselves of what we had lost.

As the years have gone by, the holidays have certainly gotten easier. Especially now that my older sister has children of her own, and my husband and I are eagerly awaiting our first child in the next couple of weeks. Children truly make holidays special, because they greet the days with such happiness. The memory of my Mom and sister have faded over time as well; still, at holiday time, I can remember the happy years I had with them, and not dwell on the sadness that first Thanksgiving brought.