I want to elope, but my fiancée wants an elaborate, expensive wedding, with a massive guest list. I have a very small family of less than ten people. The majority of guests will be my fiancée's friends and family members. I don't like the spotlight and know that I am going to be miserable. How can I get this point across to her so that we can elope? I want this to be the happiest day of both of our lives. There must be a way to work this all out.
Signed, The Shy Groom
Dear Mr. Shy,
You're right! This should be the happiest day of both your lives! With your idea of the perfect wedding being the polar opposite of your fiancée's, you have your work cut out for you. The key to this working is compromising. A successful marriage involves a great deal of compromise, now's as good a time as any to get some practice in place. It's unlikely that you'll talk your fiancée into a completely private union, but that would not be compromising. However, since you are shy and do not like being the center of attention, perhaps you can suggest a couple of options to your fiancée. Maybe you could plan a very small wedding ceremony for immediate family and friends, or even elope for the actual ceremony. Follow the ceremony with an elaborate reception later the same day, or even on another day, which will allow you two to enjoy your first day of marriage in private. With the formalities out of the way, you may find that you can relax a little and enjoy the celebration of your marriage with your guests. Given that your fiancée really wants all the bells and whistles, let her have her way on the reception and try your best to embrace it. Let her know that her happiness is just as important to you as yours.
