What does a bride do when her mother has taken over her entire wedding? I love my mother, but this is not her wedding, but she doesn't seem to realize it. My fiancé and I wanted an intimate wedding of no more than 70 guests - at last count the guest list was at 212 and we're still waiting for additions from my great-aunt who lives in Europe. We wanted a Friday evening civil ceremony followed by a nice reception so we could spend the rest of the weekend with our out of town guests, but the church is booked for Saturday afternoon and the reception begins at 8 PM. These are just a couple of examples of how she's commandeered the wedding planning. What should I do? I want our wedding to reflect us, not my Mama!
Signed, Mama's Little Girl in NYC
Dear Mama's Little Girl,
First, take a deep breath and don't call it off! Wedding planning often brings out the worse in everyone involved. There are not Bridezilla episodes airing for no reason. However, I agree, your wedding should be a complete reflection of you and your fiancé - not your mother. You need to take control, but whether you're paying for it, or she's paying for it - she's your mother and you don't want this wedding to cause a huge rift in your mother/daughter relationship.
I suggest you begin by discussing this with your fiancé. Depending on when your wedding is, you may be too far along in the planning process to completely start from scratch. If so, determine what you feel strongly about changing and what you can live with and perhaps tailor a bit more to your liking. Perhaps find one aspect of the wedding to put your mother in complete charge of - like planning accommodations and/or itineraries for the visiting guests, favors or centerpieces once some ground rules have been established.
Let your mother know you've appreciated her help, but you'd both like to assume a more active role in the planning process. With some discussion and a firm hand, you should be able to wrestle the planning away from your overzealous mother and end up with a wedding more in line with your visions.
