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Exploring Womanhood > Relationships > Articles

Considering an Affair?
By Arthur Samuels M.D.

Zen and the Art of IntimacyIt is part of our natural endowment to be attracted to beauty around us. But even thinking seriously about having an affair can bring stormy weather into a smooth sailing loving relationship. Having an affair more often than not shipwrecks the love boat. If affairs do so much harm, why are they so popular? Here are seven reasons that they are so alluring.
  1. Romance Fades. There is nothing as exciting about the promise of a new love. Poets wax eloquently; the music on the screen makes your heart beat faster as the new lovers approach each other. You dream the best about this wonderful person who miraculously has been brought into your life. Excitement fades with familiarity unless you learn how to transfer it into true love. How do you keep romance going in a marriage or other long-term relationship? Romance can be a healthy addiction when you discover how to keep it in the family.

  2. Commitments. This can be avoided as if it were a jail. How do you turn it into a safe playpen to enjoy life in? Which is it for you?

  3. Addiction to Beauty. What do you do when the person you love wrinkles and that flaming red hair turns to dull gray? There is an answer if you dig deeper into the treasure chest of your relationship.

  4. Midlife Crises. Getting older and losing my chances to really have fun is not a pleasant prospect. Only young people seem to be enjoying themselves. Midlife crisis does mean your life is half over. Use it to learn how to slow down and take more pleasure in the roses in your own garden instead of rushing around envying what is out there.

  5. Monotony in Monogamy. This is an exciting challenge. Here is a safe place to keep your sex life hot and interesting. Actually multiple partners makes sex a boring chore.

  6. Soul Mate. Learn how to you create one out of the person you are living with.

  7. I'm Just Not Happy. I felt bad (sad, anxious or grumpy) before I got into this relationship. You make it even worse, so I'll try someone else. Chronic anxiety, depression, and anger are habitual responses to problems you develop as a child. You can learn how to give up these unpleasant feelings without blaming your spouse and turning to an affair.
Try solving these problems on your own. Look for solutions together with your spouse or seek out professional help if need be.

About the Author:
Dr. SamuelsArthur Samuels MD is a distinguished life fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and Director of the Stress Treatment Center of New Orleans. He is the author of "Zen and the Art of Intimacy." He is a psychiatrist and author who enjoy living in New Orleans with his wife and three children. To learn more about creating more love in your life and maintaining an exciting long-term relationship visit http://stresstc.com.

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