Listening to Restlessness and The Eyes of My Eyes
by Jennifer Louden
A restlessness and discontent has been dogging me for months, an itchy, scritchy feeling that won't go away. I've been listening and eyeing it, trying not to run away from this shadowy inquietude. I must admit I've also been trying to cram it into various boxes and pin it down under various labels... None of which has worked. I've always loved boxes but you know, they're not very helpful tools when you wish to understand Restlessness and her bosom buddy, Change.
Restlessness won't give up her secrets until you pull over, turn off the car radio, shut off the cell phone, and give her your full attention. You can try a hundred different prescriptions to silence her, yet nothing but stopping and listening with the ear of your heart will illuminate anything beside the universal fear of CHANGE.
Isn't it curious how much work restlessness has to do to get our attention?
Sitting on the porch rocking with Restlessness, she (finally) told me it is time for me enter the beginner's mind again and dip into the well of others' expertise. To dive deep and bring the bucket up for myself. In plainer words, to go back to school.
So I've signed up for a novel writing class and coaching school. I'm finding such delight in not being the expert in these arenas. There can be something stultifying in reaching a certain level in your work. My restless friend is inviting me to try new things and I'm exhilarated to be following her directions.
This does mean, however, that I am not going to publish the Mood Changer next year. I've shelved it (gulp, never did that with a book before). What else it means, I'm not sure yet. Stay tuned!
TO ASK YOURSELF:
Is there anything running alongside me right now, panting and trying to get my attention?
When could I sit down with my own restlessness or uncertainty or discontent and listen to it?
What am I afraid of?
TO REMEMBER:
When you recognize the need to change something or try something new, don't waste time and energy beating yourself up for not seeing it early. As my Dad says, hindsight is 20-20. We'd all be rich and perfect if we knew what we know now then. (Say that three times really quickly.)
Copyright 2001 Jennifer Louden.
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Jennifer Louden is a best-selling author of The Woman's Comfort Book, The Comfort Queen's Guide to Life and three other titles. You can visit her popular website at ComfortQueen.com where over 600 articles about self-care, an interactive Inner Organizer, and a wonderful CQ store await you. Jennifer also works with a few clients at a time as a life coach.
