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Exploring Womanhood > Journals > Diary of a Fat Chick
Meet Tracey
Hi, I'm Tracey, a 30-year-old work-at-home mom to two kids, ages 3 and 6. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together for 14, since my senior year of high school. I love reading, shopping, and spending time with my family. But my weight is always on my mind and seems to influence everything I do. Not a day goes by that I don't step on the scale and ridicule myself if I've gained a pound or failed to lose one.
I have struggled with my weight for all my life. I've tried countless diets, most of them unsuccessful, and have dealt with low self-esteem and social anxiety as a result of my weight. My husband has always been supportive of my weight loss efforts and tried to make me feel beautiful no matter what size I was. Some of my diets were successful for a short time, but I always gained the weight back. When I noticed some of my bad habits and attitudes being mirrored in my 6-year-old daughter, I decided it was time for drastic measures. She is a perfectly healthy weight and seems to be blessed with my husband's good metabolism. But when I heard her ask her friend if she looked fat, my heart sank. She got that from me, from always hearing me ask if this outfit made me look huge, or telling my husband I was fat. I knew if I didn't get control of my weight and start showing my daughter the importance of healthy eating and self-control, and of loving herself for who she is, not what she looked like, she would wind up going down the same path I was later in life. I did not want her to face the same ridicule and shame I did as a heavy child, a heavier teen, and an even heavier adult.
So here I am. Having weight loss surgery and hoping this is a turning point in my life. It's time for me to get healthy and be a good role model for my daughter. It's time for me to start liking myself again.
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