Exploring Womanhood > Journals > Susan's Living With Breast Cancer Journal > Entries

Entry #8 ~ October 29, 2001
~ A Year Later

Today is October 29, 2001. It's been just over a year since I found my lump. I remember it well because I was getting ready to go on a trip to Louisiana. I was going to meet an internet friend and I was so excited! I was laying in bed about three days before the trip and grazed my hand across my chest and felt it. Like I said in an earlier entry, I was weaning my three month old from breast feeding, so I dismissed it as a clogged duct or something of the like. I didn't even mention it to my husband. About two days later, I noticed it was still there. I showed it to my husband. We both commented on how strange it felt, and the fact that you could see it sitting up. We decided I would go and get it checked after my trip. I went on the trip, and never really gave it another thought until I got back.

As soon as I got back, I scheduled that appointment. After a series of appointments and second opinions, I finally got the doctor to remove the lump surgically. It was not easy to get to that point. He didn't want to do the surgery, and thought I was overreacting. Thank God I was diligent in my efforts to get it removed. I shudder to think of what may have happened if I had followed his advice to ignore it. On November 14, I had the surgery. On November 16, I got the call from the doctor. (actually my husband did)

What a year it's been. Life has changed so much. Some days I just want to scream and cry, but most days I feel really strong. On the bad days, I tend to dwell on the fact that it could come back. But then I tell myself that I could also be in a terrible car accident or something. It doesn't do me any good to sit around and wait for it to return. I have to be strong, and only concentrate on fighting and living a healthy lifestyle. I have been working out again. That seems to do wonders for my attitude. I am trying to get to the gym at least five times a week. For a working mom of two, this is a challenge. But it makes me feel so strong and powerful!

October is breast cancer awareness month. I am supposed to go tomorrow and speak to a group of ladies about how breast cancer has changed my life, and about being a survivor. I am not really sure what I am going to say. It's one of those things that is impossible to describe, especially within a time limit. I could go on and on about what this disease has done to me and for me. I don't want anyone there to feel sorry for me, for the journey I have traveled has made me who I am today. I wouldn't want to go down this road again, but I can name lots of good things that have come from it. New friends, old friends back in the picture, a deeper faith in God, and an energy for life come to mind first.

I am growing my hair back slowly. I find myself getting mad when I have a "bad hair day" but then I tell myself "at least you are HAVING a hair day!". I wanted to show you a new picture of me since the one on my earlier entry is pre-chemo. My hair is definitely not as red, and it's curlier. But I like it. I have actually had two trims already!

I guess that's it for me for now. Thanks for reading.

Copyright © 2001 Susan Lloyd. All rights reserved.