It has been almost five months now since my last chemo treatment. It has been about four months since my last radiation. I am doing really well. School starts back for me at the end of the month. Most of the time, I really dread it. I love being home with my children, and the freedom that summer allows. But this year is a little different.
Last school year was so rocky. I started out on maternity leave with Abigail. Four days before returning to work, I was diagnosed. Then, I was out of work for another two months with my surgeries. After returning, I was out from time to time getting my treatments. I spent the rest of the school year getting chemo, losing my hair, getting used to my wig, getting radiation, and just feeling really run down. Often, I went through the motions, not really enjoying what I was doing.
This year will be different. I am eager to have a "normal" school year. I am eager to be the only teacher in my classroom. (Last year, I shared my position with a full time substitute who was there to relieve me when needed. I really liked her and we got very close, but it was still very hard.) I am eager to have a regular routine, one that is not clouded with doctors appointments, blood work, and medicine.
I feel great, and I want my life back. It's coming slowly but surely. It is still really hard though because people are constantly asking me "So you feel ok?". I know they mean well, but I have been feeling good for months now. I don't plan to regress! I still have to go see one of my doctors every three months. They do a breast exam and just talk to me about how I am doing. I get nervous every time. I go back in November for my mammogram and to see the surgeon. That one will really stress me out, but I am going to try not to think about it until then!
I am celebrating a milestone this weekend. I am turning 30! It's so funny because when I turned 28, I started really disliking my birthday. I don't know what was so magical about turning 28, but from then on, my birthday really depressed me! But not anymore. Every birthday is a celebration of life! I am so excited to be turning 30 that I can barely contain myself. I wanted to throw a big birthday bash, but instead we are going out on the town. It will be fun. We are going out to dinner with three sets of friends, and then we will just make a night of it, celebrating. I have so much to celebrate. I truly hope that I feel this way about all of my birthdays from now on.
I continue to be amazed every day at what this disease has done for me.
Copyright © 2001 Susan Lloyd. All rights reserved.
