Entry #18
~ The Circle Game
Parenting
is fun even when it doesn't look that way at the time.
I have dealt with so many issues in my kids. I know some
have considered it overwhelming, but I have picked myself
up by the bootstraps and gone forward when things seemed
to be at their worst. Going backwards is NOT an option.
I took my oldest into the doctor for his 6-year well-child
checkup. For a change, I didn't have any concerns. When
it comes to going to the doctor, I consider myself savvy.
I take a list and make sure I address things that I feel
need to be addressed. I didn't do that this time because
he seems to be okay. Imagine my surprise when the doctor
tells me SHE has three concerns for him.
The
first is his hearing. Apparently, his ears are quite blocked
from this last ear infection and he cannot hear well at
all right now. She was also concerned about his skinniness.
My oldest has legs that look like sticks sometimes. However,
he is healthy and runs fast. The third concern is his
speech. She asked me how hard it is for other people to
understand him. I was taken aback because I was not expecting
that question. He has the ability to make people's mouths
drop open from the knowledge he likes to share. Mine too
if truth be told. All in all, he is one sensitive, gentle,
and loving little boy that I am proud to call a son.
I'd
like to talk about the skinniness and food issues because
that one is near and dear to my heart. My oldest had oral-motor
and gross-motor delays as a baby and toddler. He outgrew
most of the issues by age two...except the lack of a good
weight gain. Food has been hard for him. As a family,
we have worked to increase his tolerance and desire to
try new foods. Textures have been a real problem in the
past although it is getting better. School is helping
in that regard. With my daughter, it's a different issue.
She has severe milk, nut, and egg allergies that require
an epipen in case of anaphylaxis. Food has always been
a loaded issue for me as well. I eat when I'm upset sometimes.
Or I stop eating, as I did at the hospital, when I'm upset.
That
has been a problem in the past because my parents have
gotten after me about my weight or eating or both. It's
a comfort thing for me. For that reason and due to the
issues that surround food in my house, I have deliberately
chosen not to make an issue of eating. I always thought
I'd be one of those moms that limits sugar, cookies, soft
drinks. While I don't let my children drown in them by
any means, I also do not worry about having them in moderation.
Eating has become an industry in our country. Instead
of focusing on having a balanced lifestyle and balanced
eating habits, people have resorted to fake sugar and
fake fat in order to live to the excess. I could go on,
but I won't since I'd be on my soapbox forever. :-)
When
I was a child, I used to see the African documentaries
that were on public television at that time. Women were
often shown topless or with a nursing infant attached
at the breast. The images were of people shown as being
quite thin and not having enough food. When I was little
I didn't know what naked bodies looked like, so I can
recall pointing to the TV and asking my mother what those
saggy things were. She wouldn't tell me. She ignored the
question. I smile about it now because I do know what
"those" are—breasts stretched out from pregnancy
and lactation...the way women have been through all of
history! The one thing that I resolved is that I NEVER
wanted to be skinny. I thought having one's ribs showing
was NOT healthy in any way. It is difficult. I have two
sides warring in me. My oldest worries about being fat
and while I want to get more healthy and be at a healthier
weight, I am not interested in ever being pencil-thin
either. Food is a control issue for me, but I don't want
my children to see food the way I have or the way I've
been taught. It's interesting how life is a circle.
I
spoke of patterns earlier. They are in our lives whether
we choose to see them or not. They are part of our history
and they are the forms by which we usually live our lives.
I am creating a new history and new pattern for me and
my children. I would not have chosen depression as a vehicle
for change, but it is my reality and I have to deal with
my reality and the changes I am making. No one ever said
it's easy.
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