Which way is up? Is there an end to this tunnel? Some days, I'm not so sure. On top of everything else, my husband is away for another week. He began this business trip four weeks ago, and has only been home for four nights. I know I should feel blessed he can come home on weekends. Today I'm ungrateful. We also joined him for a while out there, but hardly saw him. He works such long hours and I hardly hear his voice. He played with the girls this weekend and I just ached that he wouldn't get to do it for another week - if our luck holds out and they don't make him work.

I love my girls, but what a job! Kate's in a whiney phase and the twins are just into everything!! The minute I stop to change a diaper, or run upstairs for something, someone is climbing on the kitchen table, or into the cat food!

I lost it today! After a typical stressful trip to the grocery store, the babies were crying. I made a little sandwich for them, and they continued to cry. Kate was washing grapes for them all to eat, but I just couldn't seem to calm the twins down. I exploded. I shouted and immediately was consumed with tears. I sobbed. Kate found me and put her arm around me. She held me a moment and showed me what she had in her hand. One little red grape - "it'll make you better, Mommy!" She fed the twins the rest of their lunch. How can I be so lucky and so cursed at the same time?

Four down - still more!

When my husband returned at the end of that week, we decided to meet him close to the airport for dinner. My mother-in-law and step-dad joined us as well to make a cheery little homecoming for Paul. All was well until the girls had finished eating and were playing near the table to stretch their legs. Out of nowhere, Aimee falls and cries an agonized cry. She's under the table, on her back and blood is flowing everywhere. "Oh my God! My baby! My baby is bleeding!!" I hope it was the glass of wine I had been drinking that make me freak out for a moment. A quick check from an off-duty emergency room nurse stopped the bleeding and we were out the door heading for the nearest hospital. Three hours later, we are at our second hospital (she had cut her face and we wanted a plastic surgeon to stitch her). We arrived home at one in the morning with a weary child and some thoroughly emptied tear ducts. How awful! Watching my child, my baby, go through all of that just broke my heart. Two days later, I kissed my husband good-bye for another week. I was so drained.

Six weeks - still counting?

The business trip seems unending. Now, he's home, but this will most likely be temporary. I still find my sanity really stretched at times. This curse never seems to be totally lifted. My girls are in this flux, not knowing if Daddy will be home for dinner or not. I ache for them, and myself.

Aimee is fine now, the little red mark between her eyes looks more like a scratch than something that was held closed with thread (why blue thread? It made the cut look so bad!). I look back at my panic, which was so unlike me, and the rest of the evening. I realize that even though something bad happened to my little girl, my parents were looking out for us. My mom was a pediatric nurse. I am sure, wherever she is now, that she sent us that person to help us on our way. I was able to stand next to my daughter when she was stitched up. I sobbed into Paul's shoulder, but I was there. I am sure Mom was too. I couldn't have been there, watching, without her. Maybe I am more blessed than cursed after all.