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Exploring Womanhood > Journals > Never Letting Go > Entries

Losing a parent is one of life's most difficult experiences. The death of both parents is more than twice the trauma. Maria will share her story of losing both parents while starting a family of her own. She intends on sharing her pain and loss, along with her journey through healing, growth and parenthood. She invites you to read along and hopes that her words will touch others who may share her grief. Welcome to Never Letting Go . . .

Introduction
~ Meet Maria

Maria and her girls! Click photo for larger view.My name is Maria. After having three boys, Mom really prayed her fourth would be a girl. That's me. Mom was truly filled with faith, so I was named after Mary. I am a mother of three wonderful girls named Kate, Aimee and Amanda. Aimee and Amanda are twins and are one year old. Kate is almost three. My husband, Paul, is my "hub." He keeps me centered and rolling smoothly through everything that life deals to us. We have been together for ten years. It has been quite a ride.

My mother loved him from the start. This, of course, scared me. Did I really want my mother approving so quickly? It didn't seem natural for us to agree so easily, especially on a boyfriend. "He has a calming effect on you." She said. Oh great. Well, love won out and after 3 years, he was on his knee asking me to be his wife. I had hoped that date would be "the night" he would propose, but when he was late to pick me up, (and going to the home improvement store as well - how romantic!) I figured maybe not. Well, he was late because he was calling my parents and asking for their blessings. I know my mother loved him even more after that.

Life was wonderful. We were engaged. Mom seemed to be overcoming her cancer. We went to bridal stores and had just begun to get busy planning the wedding she and I had dreamed of for years. Here was my chance to be that princess she always let me believe I was. It would be just like Cinderella's wedding. We went to a bridal store on a cold snowy day in December. The dresses were absolutely gorgeous. I tried one on and it took our breath away. We paged my Dad over the store's PA and he came in to the dressing room. He got teary too. Little did I know then that a month later, my mother would be gone. At least she made the decision on the wedding dress a little easier.

Dad in his car. Click photo for a larger viewCancer is a rotten disease. She hid a lot of her fight from her children. When Dad was diagnosed last year, we wouldn't let him hide. We tried our best to fight it with him. He lost his battle this past February.

I recently read somewhere that children will never love a parent the way the parent loves them. I cannot agree with this concept. My mother has been gone for seven years, my father for five months, and I loved them completely. I grieve for them every day. I wish they could be an active part of my children growing. I know they haven't missed a moment, wherever their souls now exist. I would give anything though, to see Dad roll on the floor with the babies or Mom sew dresses for my brother's wedding this October.

She was quite a seamstress, my mother. She could create anything. Teddy bears, curtains, prom dresses, anything that could be made with fabric, she could make. Dad was able to fix everything. He had a knack for gluing broken lamps, putting heads on baby dolls, (I had one whose head fell off all the time), quieting scary dreams, oh - and fixing engines, brakes, transmissions on cars, cranes, trucks, etc.

Even though I am thirty, I still feel too young to go through life without them. If only they could mend the holes left in my heart now that they are gone.

Thank you for joining me on my travels as I work through my grief and raise my children. I'm sure it will be a worthwhile ride. My girls will provide the comic relief as my heart slowly mends.

Thank you,

Journal Entries:

Copyright © 2002 - 2004 Maria Grimm. All Rights Reserved.
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