Losing a parent is one of life's most difficult experiences. The death of both parents is more than twice the trauma. Maria will share her story of losing both parents while starting a family of her own. She intends on sharing her pain and loss, along with her journey through healing, growth and parenthood. She invites you to read along and hopes that her words will touch others who may share her grief. Welcome to Never Letting Go . . .
Introduction
~ Meet Maria
My
name is Maria. After having three boys, Mom really prayed
her fourth would be a girl. That's me. Mom was truly filled
with faith, so I was named after Mary. I am a mother of
three wonderful girls named Kate, Aimee and Amanda. Aimee
and Amanda are twins and are one year old. Kate is almost
three. My husband, Paul, is my "hub." He keeps me centered
and rolling smoothly through everything that life deals
to us. We have been together for ten years. It has been
quite a ride.
My
mother loved him from the start. This, of course, scared
me. Did I really want my mother approving so quickly?
It didn't seem natural for us to agree so easily, especially
on a boyfriend. "He has a calming effect on you." She
said. Oh great. Well, love won out and after 3 years,
he was on his knee asking me to be his wife. I had hoped
that date would be "the night" he would propose, but when
he was late to pick me up, (and going to the home improvement
store as well - how romantic!) I figured maybe not. Well,
he was late because he was calling my parents and asking
for their blessings. I know my mother loved him even more
after that.
Life
was wonderful. We were engaged. Mom seemed to be overcoming
her cancer. We went to bridal stores and had just begun
to get busy planning the wedding she and I had dreamed
of for years. Here was my chance to be that princess she
always let me believe I was. It would be just like Cinderella's
wedding. We went to a bridal store on a cold snowy day
in December. The dresses were absolutely gorgeous. I tried
one on and it took our breath away. We paged my Dad over
the store's PA and he came in to the dressing room. He
got teary too. Little did I know then that a month later,
my mother would be gone. At least she made the decision
on the wedding dress a little easier.
Cancer
is a rotten disease. She hid a lot of her fight from her
children. When Dad was diagnosed last year, we wouldn't
let him hide. We tried our best to fight it with him.
He lost his battle this past February.
I
recently read somewhere that children will never love
a parent the way the parent loves them. I cannot agree
with this concept. My mother has been gone for seven years,
my father for five months, and I loved them completely.
I grieve for them every day. I wish they could be an active
part of my children growing. I know they haven't missed
a moment, wherever their souls now exist. I would give
anything though, to see Dad roll on the floor with the
babies or Mom sew dresses for my brother's wedding this
October.
She
was quite a seamstress, my mother. She could create anything.
Teddy bears, curtains, prom dresses, anything that could
be made with fabric, she could make. Dad was able to fix
everything. He had a knack for gluing broken lamps, putting
heads on baby dolls, (I had one whose head fell off all
the time), quieting scary dreams, oh - and fixing engines,
brakes, transmissions on cars, cranes, trucks, etc.
Even
though I am thirty, I still feel too young to go through
life without them. If only they could mend the holes left
in my heart now that they are gone.
Thank
you for joining me on my travels as I work through my
grief and raise my children. I'm sure it will be a worthwhile
ride. My girls will provide the comic relief as my heart
slowly mends.
Thank
you,
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