Exploring Womanhood > Journals > Growing Together: A Journal From Mother to Daughter > Entries

Entry #19 ~ June 15, 2003
~ Happy Father's Day

Dear Charon,

You have the most wonderful daddy. I know you know that; you adore him! This morning, we woke him up with cards and kisses for Father's Day. You were so proud to present him with the Tweety bird greeting you'd picked out yourself. (You even told him earlier this week, "I have a Tweety bird card to give you, Dad!") You pointed out the circles and X's you'd drawn carefully on the card, saying, "Those are hugs and kisses." And then you gave him a big hug and a kiss on each cheek.

Your dad has been a great parent to you ever since I became pregnant with you. He was so happy when I first told him that we were expecting a baby in early August. He'd been patiently waiting to be a daddy for a long time. I am five years younger than he is, and I wasn't ready as soon as he was to start trying to conceive. He understood, and waited for me to give the go ahead, letting me bring up the topic when I was ready. And we were lucky, having success after just two cycles. Thrilled with the news, we immediately started planning for your arrival.

One of the first things we did together was gather stacks and stacks of books to read. I learned all I could about pregnancy, and later, about giving birth and breastfeeding, while Pete read about parenting. We'd share together what we learned. He tried to find a good book for expectant fathers, but didn't have much luck. He ended up jotting down silly notes about the pregnancy instead, inspired by one of the goofy "pregnant dad" books he'd purchased. Ask him to show you his notes sometime, Charon. You know how funny he is. It will make you laugh.

He went to every prenatal appointment with me, which helped me to feel very relaxed at the visits. The ultrasound was a highlight for him. After seeing you on the screen and learning that you were a girl, he told me he could really picture you in his head, that the pregnancy felt much more real to him now. I remember the night after the appointment. We were getting ready for bed, and he suddenly turned to look at me, his eyes glowing with excitement. "We're going to have a daughter!" he said. He was reveling in fatherhood already, imagining what you'd be like and what he'd teach you.

Your daddy helped throughout the pregnancy. One of my most vivid memories is waking up one morning in the early months, and discovering there were no Saltines near the bed. I needed to eat a few of them before getting up each day; they helped my nausea. Pete went to look in the cupboard, and came back with some. "No, these are the regular kind," I whined. "I need the kind with salt-free tops. Really. They're the only thing I can keep down." Without a second thought, he was off to Super America for saltless Saltines. When he returned, I was so thankful and gobbled them down. Then I headed straight to the bathroom and threw them up. He looked at me, stunned. "That's okay," I laughed. "I feel much better now."

As the birth grew closer, we got more excited and anxious. Pete told me he wished he could go through the birth for me. I told him that yes, I was a little scared, but I was going to read all I could and do my best. At the birth classes, I remember him practicing the breathing techniques very seriously, as if he were the one about to give birth. "Hey!" I told him. "Listen to my breaths! You're supposed to be following my breathing!" And we laughed.

I remember your daddy sitting at the computer, working on our birth plan. We'd talked about it together a bit, and now it was time to write everything out. It was mid-July. "Mom T. [my mom - your Gramma Charon] is present for comfort," he typed. "As little EFM as possible." My friend Nancy called. I stayed in the same room with Pete while I visited with her. He went on:

• Avoid pitocin.
• No episiotomy. None.
• We do not want a Cesarean.
• Would like to labor in upright position.
• Take walks.
• Perhaps a walking epidural?
• A birth ball would be nice.
• Listen to body. Work with it.
• Relax. Take our time. Be patient. (Our baby knows its birthday.)
• "Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass" plays in the background.

(We had not discussed that last item. That idea came out of your daddy's sense of humor. He wanted to lighten things up and tease me a bit.)

Just then, I stood up and a trickle of water moved down my leg. What an incredible surprise! "Just a second," I told Nancy, and then covered the phone's mouthpiece. I wanted Pete to hear this first.

"Pete, um, I think my water might have broken. There's water running down my legs right now."

He stood up. "What?" He got excited, and his eyes glowed as he pictured you. "Oh, wow."

I was back on the phone. "Nancy, I have to go. I think my water just broke! Can you believe it? I call you when there's more news, okay?"

We called the hospital. They told us it did sound like I should be checked, and asked us to come in. It was sixteen days before your due date. Pete printed out our birth notes, which we'd made just in time.

Not everything went according to plan. We did get to take walks, labor upright and on a birth ball. I didn't need any kind of epidural, and we were relieved that the birth didn't end in a C-section. (Pete couldn't get it out of his head that he hadn't yet read that chapter in The Birth Book.) But we did induce with pitocin when labor didn't start by the next morning, and when you wouldn't come out after four and a half hours of pushing, along came the vacuum and an episiotomy. Oh, and no surprise, we left the Herb Alpert CD at home.

Happily, my mom (your Gramma Charon) was able to be there for the birth, too. She told me afterwards that she was amazed at how your daddy followed my lead, knowing what I wanted and needed. She said we made an incredible team. I remember him supporting me as I got through each contraction, staying very close to me the whole time. A few times, he even lifted me off the ground as he supported my weight, working so hard to help take on some of the pain for me. He hugged me, rubbed me, talked to me softly, encouraged me. He interpreted my questions for the staff, and asked some of his own. He smiled at me and held me and beamed confidence at me. He didn't ever let me go.

We both birthed you.

This morning, when you woke daddy from that deep sleep, I knew he’d smile right away when he saw you. Whenever he looks at you, his face lights up. You are so special to him. He adores being a parent to you.

We love you!

Love,
Mom (and Dad)