Exploring Womanhood > Journals > Growing Together: A Journal From Mother to Daughter > Entries

Entry #17 ~ April 6, 2003
~ Being "medium"

Dear Charon,

Why did I read you the story of the three bears? I always meant to avoid that one, with its insidious* gender roles. Now, I always have to be "medium," even though I'm just about as tall as your daddy.

"Daddy's big, you're medium, and I'm small," you tell me.

"How about if I'm big and Daddy's medium?" I say.

"No, you're medium. Daddy's big!"

"Can't I be big, too? How about if Daddy's big and I'm big? You can be big, too, if you want."

"No, Mom, you need to be medium, and I'm small."

There is a beautiful symmetry to that story that attracts you.

You've also been trying to figure out the boy/girl thing lately. "I'm a boy!" you proudly exclaim. "What am I?" I ask you. "A girl." "What is Daddy?" "A boy." We go through a whole list of people, and you correctly label everyone's gender except for your own. (Oh, and you also insist that Blue, the dog from the Blue's Clues television show, is a boy. I've read that they intentionally made Blue a girl to counteract some of the blue=boy and dog=boy stuff.) I'm fine with you wanting to be a boy, as long as it's not because you've learned already that boys generally get more attention in our society than girls. If you want to be a boy because you think Daddy's cool, I think that's great. I hope it's something like that instead.

These experiences got me to take a closer look at the books I've been reading to you lately. You love books with animals as characters, but so many of them have male protagonists. We have been reading Little Bear, Poppleton Pig, Frog and Toad, and a bit of Stewart Little. All boys. Looks like I have some work to do.

There are some wonderful stories out there with female main characters. Ballerina Bear is a story we really enjoyed. In one of my favorite scenes, Bernice's mother tells her, "You look beautiful." "I know," Beatrice replies, "but beauty isn't everything." Bernice loves to dance, but is quite clumsy. She then meets Bertram, who dances so beautifully it's boring. They become dancing partners, and together, they put on a great show. That boy and that girl feel real to me.

One of my favorite books to read to you is Miss Mouse's Day. It describes a day in the life of a little girl and her stuffed mouse, told through the mouse's eyes. They are both very busy. Among other things, they paint, play dress-up, have a picnic outside, play in the sand, and fall into the mud while running. They get messier and messier as the day goes on, and no one tells them they need to be careful or they'll get their clothes dirty. They both get a bath at the end of the day, read a story with Daddy, then get tucked in by Mama. "A good night kiss, and my day ends. with a cuddle."

A friend of mine recommended The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch. Elizabeth must wear a paper bag because a dragon came and destroyed her castle, burned all of her clothes, and carried off Prince Ronald, whom she was to marry. She goes after the dragon, and through her bravery and cleverness, she saves Ronald, who then tells her to come back when she's cleaned herself up. She tells him that although he's pretty and looks nice and neat, he's really just a bum, and she doesn't marry him after all. Now, there's a heroine for you. Charon loves this book: She giggles at Ronald's speech (read by me in a very snotty voice), and then laughs even harder at Elizabeth's reply. But after a few readings, she told me, "I not messy. I clean." We had a big talk about how it's what's inside that's important. "I like your laugh," I explained, "and your ideas, and how you play with me, and how you share. I like that you are strong and smart and sweet. I like the hugs you give me."

Later that week, you proudly told your daddy, "I'm a girl!" Maybe you just said that because you think Mama's cool sometimes. But maybe you also decided that being a girl is cool. You've definitely inspired me to continue my search for some more cool girl heroines!

Love,
Mom

P.S. After writing this entry, I found a wonderful bibliography online: Beyond Female Protagonists - Female Voices in Picture Books. I've searched for a feminist version of the three bears, and, although I've found lots of other more modern versions, I haven't found a feminist one yet. This version shows a papa and mama bear that are about the same size, and their chairs and beds look to be equal, too. But the papa bear's bowl is obviously the biggest. Size is never mentioned in the story, however.

*Note: I just looked up"insidious" in the dictionary to make sure it was the word I wanted to use: "Working or spreading harmfully in a subtle or stealthy manner. Intended to entrap; treacherous. Beguiling but harmful; alluring." Yup, that about sums it up. ;)