Unfortunately many systems are not well educated on the dynamics of domestic violence. The system often mistakes a victim's lack of desire to become entangled with the justice system as her recanting her story. I have worked with countless victims who do not want to travel down the road of the legal process because they have little faith in the outcome and because they feel so much pressure from the system.

In some fortunate situations, the prosecutor will pursue victimless prosecution where they use 911 calls, police statements and other evidence to charge an abuser rather than relying on a victim's testimony. In my opinion, this is by far the best way to prosecute these cases. Victims, such as you, feel no safety from these proceedings. They are continuously pressured by their abuser not to cooperate with the legal system and to give into the abuser's demands. The result is a reluctant victim and a prosecutor who is upset with her for "not following through." When in actuality, it is not a desire to "help" the abuser but rather simple self-preservation. No one will continue to protect a victim from the abuser. There is no promise of continued safety after court proceedings. The system can rarely eliminate an abuser from a victim's life, especially when there are children involved.

I would strongly encourage you to contact a victim advocate in your area. They would best be able to guide you through this very confusing and terrifying experience. I'm very upset with your husband's divorce attorney and the pressure this person applied to you to "drop" the criminal charges. In most scenarios it isn't even possible for a victim to "drop charges." She can refuse to cooperate but the case could go ahead without the victim. Often times though the prosecutor feels like they have no case without the victim and the prosecutor chooses to drop the charges and the victim is pinned with the blame. It's unfair and unnecessary. Prosecutors educated on domestic violence and skilled in these cases bring in expert witnesses who testify why the victim isn't "cooperating" and can help judges and juries realize the complicated dynamics of domestic violence. However, many prosecutors just are not willing to go to these lengths and instead don't charge the abusers.

Unfortunately, I'm no expert on Texas law. Each state has its own way of handling victim compensation money. I would be terribly disappointed with a system that would take away your compensation because of the continued abuse of your husband and his attorney.

Please, visit with an advocate. I would also strongly encourage you to carefully document everything that is happening. Document all conversations with attorneys. Refuse to speak with his attorney, you are under no obligation to talk to that person. Document all of the threats and actions your abuser had made as well. To connect with your local domestic violence program, call 1-800-799-SAFE. Many programs have attorneys who may also be able to help with your situation. If they don't have one available, ask for a referral to a Legal Aid Society.

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