• WomensLaw.Org -
Information regarding state specific domestic violence laws, child custody issues, protection orders and other resources related to domestic violence in a particular state
Domestic Violence Discussion
with Jennifer Landhuis
2. Question:My husband threatens that if I leave, he will say that I am insane and will be able to get custody of the children? Is this a reasonable threat?
Answer: Threats are very common in an abusive relationship. Often times, if there are children involved in the relationship, the abuser will threaten to take the children from the victim. This threat is a very scary one to victims because her children are usually the most precious thing to her and he knows this. So, he will threaten to take the children from her should she leave the relationship. Sometimes, these are idle threatens. He has absolutely no interest in being a full-time parent but knows that the threat of not having custody of their children is horrific to her. Sometimes, he will indeed follow up on this threat.
Every state has different laws regarding custody and visitation. I would strongly encourage you to contact your local domestic violence program to begin to explore your options. The National Hotline number, 1-800-799-SAFE will connect you with your local program. Or you can look in the yellow pages under domestic violence. Many programs have attorneys on staff or can give you referrals to programs that often provide legal assistance at a reduced rate or even for free. You can simply contact these programs to see what the current laws regarding custody are for your state. In many states, should separation occur between the parents, temporary custody is often given to the parent who files for custody first. Permanent custody is usually established after court hearings involving an attorney. In many states, temporary custody can be granted through an order for protection that can be obtained if you are in fear for your safety and the children's. Your local program can assist you with a protection order as well.
It is very difficult to declare someone mentally unfit to parent. In my opinion, it is unlikely that he would be able to establish this allegation. Again, in my opinion, I believe he is saying this to you because he knows that your children mean the world to you and he believes that by threatening to take them away that he can keep you in this relationship. It is another form of power and control that he uses against you. You and your children deserve to live in a safe and stable home.
The Domestic Violence Intervention Project in Minnesota has an excellent tool that describes all forms of violence, including threats. (Please keep in mind, before clicking this link that it may leave a "cookie" on your computer that you should delete if you are worried about your husband tracking your internet use.) The Power and Control Wheel can be seen here: http://www.michigan.gov/datingviolence/0,1607,7-233-46553-169739--,00.html
Please, contact your local program to explore your options. You deserve better than this.
