• WomensLaw.Org -
Information regarding state specific domestic violence laws, child custody issues, protection orders and other resources related to domestic violence in a particular state
Domestic Violence Discussion
with Jennifer Landhuis
14. Question: - I would like to know if it is possible to ever be in a non-violent relationship if you are a battered woman. I personally have decided not to tempt fate again and am prepared to be alone for rest of my life.
Answer: I absolutely believe it is possible for you to be in an equal relationship again in the future. I would caution you against jumping into another relationship if you have recently left your batterer. I had a college professor who summed it up well: "junk attracts junk". What he meant was that if you feel like you don't deserve the best then you attract those who don't give you the best. I think it is extremely important to work on becoming a healthy and self-confident person first. There are many ways to do this including counseling and support groups. The more self-confident you feel and the more you love yourself (as cliché as that may sound) the better chance you have of finding a non-violent partner.
I have seen many survivors move on to another relationship in order to "rescue" someone. They feel they need to "save" their new partner from that "horrible ex-wife", or from his drinking/drug problem, etc. So they move quickly and find themselves with another batterer. Non-violent relationships grow slowly and are based on equality and love and respect. I would challenge you to join a healthy relationships class or a pattern changing class. Many of these classes are offered by local domestic violence programs. They will help you identify "red flags" of potential batterers.
There is nothing wrong with being alone for the rest of your life. However, if you want to find a partner, make sure you are looking in the right places (not the bars) and take the time to truly grow that relationship and to be able to evaluate if it is a healthy and stable one.
Best of luck to you. Remember that you deserve the best.
