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Information regarding state specific domestic violence laws, child custody issues, protection orders and other resources related to domestic violence in a particular state
Domestic Violence Discussion
with Jennifer Landhuis
10. Question: - My ex was extremely mentally, verbally, physically and emotionally violent. More mouth, though, than physical. I left him when my daughter was 19 months old. She went through a period at age 3 1/2 where she was mean, physically, to a 12 month old girl. Was this imprinted on her or is it her flexing her muscles and testing boundaries? She's a very sensitive and extremely perceptive, intelligent child for her age.
Answer: First of all, let me commend you on being able to break the cycle of violence and for establishing a safer life for you and your daughter. I'm sorry you had to endure this.
Children who grow up in violent homes often repeat the behavior they see. I believe that no child is born violent; rather, they are usually just repeating the violent behavior they are experiencing from others. Even the youngest children may not understand the violence that is going on, but they definitely sense the stress in the home and often act out because of this. We would often have very young children come into our shelter and they would cry constantly, not sleep soundly and be very aggressive. Often this behavior would quickly stop once a safe and stable environment was provided.
That being said, I would venture to say that your daughter is merely testing her boundaries and going through that independent stage that most 3-4 years olds experience. I would say it is likely just a stage that she is going through.
When children are repeating aggressive behavior on a regular basis, then we usually suggest visiting a counselor. For now, I would just be watchful. If you feel this is becoming a pattern, please discuss her behavior with your pediatrician or a counselor. Be proud of yourself for establishing a safe and loving home free of violence; you're a great mom.
